Archive for the ‘Absurdities’ Category

Thick Toilet Paper or Thin Toilet Paper – that is the question.

I don’t ask a lot of life and the smallest of things give me pleasure and that’s why, when I started paying a little more for toilet roll, I felt as though I had cone up in the world. Mmm, cushioned toilet paper and with a design I liked but, alas, a programme on UK television last week (The Wright Stuff) had a discussion on the aforesaid necessity and it seems that buying the thicker stuff means more trees have to go the journey. I’m still trying to get my head round how the thinner paper will be a more friendly option, as surely I will have to use more (squares) to achieve the same result ….. .

I think I’ll go and have a look at that bidet in my bathroom, to see how it works …. .

‘Walking the Walk’ …. but only for a moment!

Puerta Banus. It was 3rd. January, 2015, and I was only fifteen minutes away by car, so I had to go, didn’t I? There’s always a lot of famous people swanning along the marina and, dressed in my best second-hand jeans (from my daughter-in-law), my eight-year-old autumn-coloured scarf and my Matalan (a cheap chain store in the UK) flat shoes – oh, and my fake Dolce and Gabbana black handbag – I walked the walk.
It seems that to ‘walk the walk’, you carry your handbag over the curve of your elbow and also wiggle your bottom a little (I tried this but my dog kept pulling on his lead, which gave me more of a drunken gait), while trying to show your importance.
Okay, yes, after ten seconds, I gave up. I remembered that I am me and I couldn’t give a hoot about what anyone else thinks. What you see is what you get and well, hmm., I was tempted to have my photograph taken against one of the boats tethered there but decided to buy an ice-cream instead.
As I walked along, a ‘go that extra mile’ dolly-bird stopped to stroke my (yes, he’s a mongrel) dog and she spoke at length about her umpteen dogs, Springers, King Charles and all). Oh! Was she famous, I wonder? She was walking along with a gentleman who may have been her minder. She had dark skin (Spanish or Caribbean maybe), talked of living on a farm and was walking the walk.  And she was nice.
And, do you know, I was so proud that she had stopped to talk to me, in my second-hand jeans and with my mixed breed dog. Dogs. That’s all we talked about. And it was a good feeling.
Even if I don’t walk the walk!
So what does this tell me about myself?
I have no idea!  It was five minutes of fun but not a world I would like to live in.

Puerta Banus

I Don’t Know How to Turn on the Telly

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And it seems I’m not alone.

I was watching a series on television last night and the man, whose wife had left him, asked her if she would come back to him, as he didn’t know how to switch the television on.

Oh dear, I better start being extra nice to my hubby, as I could find myself with the same problem.

You see, we  live in Spain, in an area where you can’t get Sky TV but we’ve come across a nifty little device which, via an unlimited internet connection, will allow you to see all of those wonderful UK programmes, as well as US, Turkish and many more.

And it’s not easy.  Okay, it’s called streaming and I understand the principle but, when you find yourself accidentally back into your stand alone Spanish channels, it’s not easy to get back into the streaming system.

Mmm …. I’ll cater to his every whim …. .

 

The House that Jack Built

It’s like anything new. Take a new job as an example. First, you have to learn it, then you know how to do it, then you find you can criticise it, before moving into your thoughts for the future.

Is the really the job for me?
Can I do better?

Well, the same is happening for me about living in Spain. Hubby and I have passed through the interesting moments, the realisation times and now the what have I done feelings and, while he still sees a pleasure here, I am feeling not so good.

Our current situation relates to the fact that there is a ruin attached to our beautiful home and no-one will accept responsibility for the fact that it call fall down at any time and, God forbid, take a part of our house with it. We asked the local council about it seven months ago and we have heard nothing.

Yesterday, we spoke to the local police and, within two hours, we received a phone call to say that nothing will be happening as regards to the ruin. Why? Well, it seems that the sketch for the ruin appears on our land registry papers, even though we are not the owners. That means it looks like it’s ours, the council knows it isn’t ours and so we can’t do anything about it.

The heavy rainfalls we get in this north-west corner of Spain has already caused one of the (and I say this loosely) supporting walls to begin to tumble. This happened in February and the rains that are now due could help this wall on its way, meaning that the rest of the house will come down.

Our bedroom is on the other side of the wall where the houses join …… .

Maybe I’m Truly Not Smart Enough for my Smart Phone … .

Well, I now know why people like these Smart phones and other clever models. Mine is now broken, it’s wrapped ready to be returned to the manufacturer and, even though the parcel hasn’t yet left my house, I’m missing it already. I tried to repair it. Honestly, I did. I spoke in my best Spanish to BQ, the manufacturers who are located in Madrid and I have to say that, by the time I got off the phone, I was rather proud of myself.

Okay, the phone is still broken but I managed that call. At the moment, my phone is more like a sex toy. It vibrates …. and vibrates …. and vibrates. I always charge all of my phones each night but now, with my Smartphone, I have to take out the battery at night, as the vibration is keeping me awake.

So, it vibrates, the icons change from big to small every two seconds, the pages change when they wish (one second I’m looking at my e-mails, even though I didn’t request that page and,, the next second, I’m looking at ‘settings’ and I didn’t request that one either. So, as it’s Easter, the parcel won’t be collected until next Monday (it’s not part of the Easter holidays here in Spain and then I’ll have to simply wait, while alternating two SIM cards between one phone.

Oh, the joy of life in the technical world …. .

 

Am I Not Clever Enough for my Smart Phone?

I’ve had one mobile phone or other for over twenty years and I’ve never had a problem in using one …. until now.

 Okay, so I’ve moved across from the bog standard mobile to a, shall I say, very smart phone indeed and, after three months, it’s still getting the better of me.

 It’s an Aquaris (this is not a spelling mistake) 3.5 and, though I bought it here in Spain, everything about it is in English. 

So the problem doesn’t lie there. 

I’ve joined WhatsApp and Viber and her lies the problem. 

I have a few students of English here in Spain and some of them are coming up in my WhatsApp application, appearing only as telephone numbers.  So I thought that I would go along the lines of giving these telephone numbers real names.

And it hasn’t been easy. 

The names of three of my students are Sara, Ana and Silvia.  Somehow, I have four ‘Sara’s listed, one of which is really Ana and then a real Ana.  Silvia is now listed as Sharon and then there’s Carlos and José who are listed as each other.  Try as I might, they’re not budging.  This dilemma made a very interesting class with one of my ‘mobile savvy (and more in the loop than I am)’ students, who has told me how to make Sara only one woman, stop Ana sharing her identity with Sara, make Silvia a student rather than my daughter and, well, make Carlos and José who they really are …. .

Thanks but …. er… well …. I’m still trying and, with sheet of paper in  hand to accompany my ‘more clever than I’ mobile phone, I’m managing to connect to the right people via my Aquaris 3.5 mobile.

And the Almost Immediate Reply to my E-Mail Was …..

Regarding my last posting about losing my rag, the reply I received was:-

‘Please note that in order to make changes on a policy, we require you to have been habitually resident in the UK for greater than 12 months’.

Oh, dear.  With less than twelve months to go on the policy in question, what does that mean?  Is it a lose-lose situation?

Still … .